uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
