I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
