her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
