The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
