dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
