quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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