my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I pour the whiskey from now on
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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