Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
