I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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