Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
