we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
He passed out mid-signature
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
