I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
