john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
