Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
