All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
