Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
