I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
