I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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