Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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