Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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