I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
