if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
