She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I AM VODKA MAN
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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