2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
