I wish life had little blips of pornography
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
