He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
