you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
