You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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