Yo dont text me then not text me
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
