party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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