You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
