It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize