so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
