the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
