Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We are all done wearing pants today
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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