My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
