Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
