she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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