this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
