No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
