I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
