Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
