I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
