what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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