im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
