i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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