hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
