So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
