Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
