I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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