I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
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