I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
