this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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