If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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