New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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