Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Randomize
