and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Can Purell be used as lube?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
