In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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