I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
