i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
