have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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