He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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