My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
