Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Boobs are out for the taking
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize