i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
