Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
