You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
