she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
