does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
