He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
