but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
