yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
