saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
