There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
