My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
