is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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