what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
