She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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