thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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