capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
