I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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