someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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